Humanized Ubermensch

20150111_102610

Even the most forlorn of souls wander away. Some hover about trying to find justice to existence and often to no avail. They end up being blown away into the void and in there they surrender their last strand of hope.

Some drift away aimlessly like pollen grains falling to the ground, and there they become alive.

And like that, I have become alive falling in love with you.

Truisms are dubious platitudes.

You are a fountain of uncertainty, a drizzle of random things and of random emotions slacked out by the yearning to perpetuate a hopeless war. With you I do not know what to believe in. With you I choose to stay in muddy waters and sinking becomes redemptive. Maybe there’s more certainty underneath the ripples and the splashes than this enthralling surface.

I’m certain of my affection towards you but why do I care to see the mutuality of this all? 

To no one in particular,

I’m sorry I have not be able to write as I have been extremely preoccupied of late. Pray don’t think I’ve probably forgotten you whoever you are or our non-existent memories of separate days gone-by. I’ve reserved a spot of the day dedicated to the recollection of your non-being. I smile to myself whenever the mnemonic blotches of these days ‘unpast’ appear in my meager breaks. You’ve always been remembered,

-Strange(r)

On Literature

I am tired, of the world and everything about it. The force that I deliberately exert in order to resist the shattering forces of life has exhausted. I’ve run out of energy to live, to fight, to survive. But more than that energy, I’ve also run out of tears, of emotion, and of passion and the only thing that holds me together is literature. I dread the day when this extremely miserable world would run out of books, or when I have read all of them, or when the last inkwell breaks and could no longer hold magic. Upon that day, horror shall fall as I instantly elude from sanity in order to embrace the lesser oppressive miasma of pure imaginings. There is no better refuge than literature.

Salmon History of a Geek

From the age of consciousness, I have already regarded myself as a boy unlike any. Because of this extravagantly delusive assumption, I never got to hang out with other kids. I believed they were inferior to me. I didn’t like them but they were quite obliging, too obliging even. They hated me back and worse, they ostracized me in dealings of the class. Hence, I was never class president. But I didn’t care, my classmates couldn’t even pronounce salmon correctly.

I was not bullied but I was not welcome anywhere either. The boys seemed too brute and unpolished and the girls were too whiny and sensitive. I learned later on that they grew up fixated to those attributes. No, my aversion was not instantaneous. I tried, horribly, to ‘belong’ to a group. After each attempt, I ended up more frustrated, unable to comprehend the actuations of silly bipeds that hid behind trash bins and plant boxes. My attempt to mingle turned into a microcosm, later on to paracosm. Plant boxes began to be gateways to a sounder universe, umbrellas expanded into electromagnetic force fields that shielded humanity from raindrops, which could be slowed down at 5 droplets/cm2/min via my time-controlling watch.

I used to go home directly from my last class while the rest of the juvenile corps formed their gobbledygook assemblage. At least there was a best friend waiting for me at home, my mom. She knew almost everything about me except that I led a pretty god-forsaken elementary life. She didn’t know that I basically had no childhood. She knew I had misanthropic tendencies but still felt that I was doing just fine since I aced exams, won all the contests I joined in, and joined every contest I was qualified at. I used to be the “pambato,” the preferred bet. Mine was a familiar face to a bunch of competitive students in the province. I guess I have subconsciously projected frustrations to mankind to my aspiration. I just knew I never wanted to be part of the crowd or be that guy who applauds and cheers. At such a young age, I have already developed a strong aversion for mediocrity. I skipped breaks for visits to the library because I wanted to know more stuff than everybody else. I think I still have a vivid picture of book locations. I have brought this attitude with me year to year, school to school. The breadth of competitions I won expanded and the rivalries toughened.

By the time I was in junior high school my command of the English language was better than my professors’ and most of the students refrained talking to me in fear of epistaxis or just plain incomprehensibility. I had the fortitude to call them idiots upfront. I graduated on top of the class. My valedictory speech was both idealistic and pretentious but there was never a salute to the divine. I thought I was god. Seven years later I still do.

My years in the academe were no different, I was mentally superior and I felt intellectually invincible. I had classmates who didn’t know the difference between invisible and invincible, so there.

I drift back to these moments and realize how great and lonely I was at the same time. It was not until I left the university that the venom of lethargy has irreparably spread. Today, it just seems too late to live again. I am gradually decaying, not even just dead yet. But what can I do when I have brought this curse upon myself, to live greatly and darkly both at the same time? And the only consolation I get is the pronunciation of salmon.

 

Faint

You are a vague memory, curtained by convoluted what-has-beens, probably one that I have just made up as a consolation to the bravery of surpassing fretful nights, when the air was cold and bitter and every breath was a breath of death. I was gasping poison unconsciously. Memories of you have been washed out. Cruel Mnemosyne has robbed off days that seemed so real, cutting them off from decadent neurons. Now it’s just the feeling that I hold onto. But even onto that I’m slowly losing grip.

There was nothing.

I watch the droplets of rain form ripples on the once calm lake as the cold wind blows vindictively the curse of unforgotten bitter days. The winter we’ve never had freezes our non-existent soul and the frosts that we’ve never seen have drowned days that are yet to come. The gloom of empty skies and muted trees seep into my longing flesh, how can we forgive the hurt that stormed into our lives even before our love had blossomed or  else just divine the sting of these utterly dissatisfied hearts? I recoup from my lakeshore reverie and notice that the currents have written a love story we were never ever told.

My

middle

fingers

are my

favorite

of ten.

The most

functional

that is. They’re the bestphallic-alternative. They hold

pens and cigarettes in place And they stand up to their beliefs

When all other eight fold over readily